We're going to head to the bedroom and the lab to unlock
the mysterious world of sex we all live in.
To discover the truth behind the female orgasm,
we'll watch as a woman climaxes in the name of science.
PROF KOMISARUK: Start genital stimulation.
MONICA: Donating an orgasm for science, how bad could that be?
NARRATOR: Reveal how micro-machinery allowed a man
to experience an erection for the first time.
COLIN: ...that's was a thirty-thousand dollar erection
that you just saw.
See if a pick up artist can help a 30 year old virgin overcome
his fear of approaching women.
KURT: ...just wondering where you got your fancy outfits at,
they're... they're neat!
NARRATOR: And find out if alcohol really does make people
more sexually attractive.
POP GIRL: One drink and just start making out,
have a good make-out session, and I'm ready to pull off
my pants for you.
ROB: Sex is for fun, sex is for, uh, excitement.
TIFFANY: With me being a virgin there are some things I just
won't know until we have sex.
COLIN: Being surrounded by other guys in hockey locker rooms
the conversation of sex comes up all the time.
NARRATOR: To reveal just how sex works we're going to take you
on a journey from virginity, via arousal, to birth.
And where better to start, than a bar?
A place where humans have been hooking up for generations.
But this isn't just any bar; we've tricked it up with the
latest gizmos, to show how even when you think you're in control
it's your sex drive that's doing the talking.
Meet our volunteers - 8 men and 8 women who've never met before
and who, for now, are being kept apart.
DR LINDA: Be as honest as you can we'll see where we all are
at the end ok?
NARRATOR: The expert in charge is Dr Linda Papadopoulos
psychologist and sex expert.
DR LINDA: Sex drive is integral to the human condition,
without it, humanity as we know it would die out.
We need to have sex drive.
NARRATOR: Dr Linda is going to subject the volunteers to a
series of tests to reveal if choosing a potential sex partner
is a conscious choice or one made by our sex hormones.
And the first step is spotting a face we like the look of.
DR LINDA: This is just about trying to see how aware we are
of what we like.
MALE PARTICIPANT: .... if she gives me a little challenge,
a little push, maybe some attitude, some sass!
Y'know, I like that.
DR LINDA: If we are talking about evolution it's all about
passing on your genes and what you want in a future mate.
NARRATOR: The first part of the test is to see if pictures of
the women will arouse the men in ways they're not even aware of.
DR LINDA: Men tend to be more visual that women when it comes
to what they find enticing which partly to do with how men
are socialised.
If you look at the vast majority of pornography out there...
vast, vast majority, it's directed towards men.
This is Jon...
Hi... Hi how are you doing...
So what we want to do it see how you respond to different images
of women.
So we're going to do a couple of things,
this is a galvanic skin response monitor so it's gonna basically
just look at how you are reacting.
We're also gonna look at pupil dilation and finally we're gonna
get to look at how you look at faces through our imaging
techniques. Ok? MALE PARTICIPANT: Ok, cool.
NARRATOR: What the men don't know is that they're going
to meet the women in the pictures later.
JON: Ok, you're good to go. DR LINDA: We're done?
Ok, so just come through here.
So make yourself comfortable on the stool.
This is the eye tracking computer so basically what
it'll do is it'll interpret how you look at different things.
Beyond that, enjoy looking at pretty girls, ok!
MALE PARTICIPANT: Ok.
DR LINDA: We are using an eye tracking technique to look at
where people look, but at where they look the longest.
What you find is that we'll have these big red dots on everyone's
face so if they look at the eyes the longest, the red dots,
they'll be over the eyes, if they look at the lips they'll be
over the lips.
NARRATOR: Other devices will also monitor changes in heart
rate, perspiration levels and pupil dilation,
to reveal physical and emotional responses that the men have
no control over and may not even know are taking place.
When a man sees an attractive face the so-called reptilian
part of his brain can react by triggering the release of
neurotransmitters such as Epinephrine - accelerating
the pulse, sweat production and increasing pupil diameter.
The man's body is now primed to pursue the object of desire.
By analysing how the men's' bodies react,
Dr Linda can see which of the women excites the men
at a biological level.
DR LINDA: How was that?
MALE PARTICIPANT: That was good.
DR LINDA: A couple of girls piqued you interest there ..
I wonder if you are aware of what we saw?
Which are the 2 girls...?
MALE PARTICIPANT: Possibly, yeah, there was one or two,
yeah. Correct, yes!
NARRATOR: The data indicates it's the women with thicker lips
and larger eyes that get the men's hearts pumping.
This could be because these faces point to a greater level
of fertility, as females with such features tend to have more
of the sex hormone oestrogen.
Hi! Hello...
The results from one subject stand out.
Chris's biological signs reveal a high level of arousal when
he looks at the picture of Katherine.
MALE PARTICIPANT: I was looking at hair colour
and eyes and teeth actually, I was looking at teeth.
DR LINDA: Well how I wanted to say interestingly what we found
it when girls were smiling, really kind of focused and
engaged on their mouth, but there were a couple of clues
there as to who you may have liked more than others.
MALE PARTICIPANT: Interesting..
NARRATOR: While a smile can increase a woman's sex appeal,
smiling men have been found to be less sexually attractive
to the opposite sex.
DR LINDA: Jon will take a look at the bio feedback.
JON: I would suggest that, you might not think it,
but there's actually two girls there that you favor.
NARRATOR: Next Dr Linda wants to discover what sort of body type
arouses the men.
DR LINDA: Hi guys. Thanks for doing the eye tracking earlier.
So what we're going to do now is we're going to flash up
the images with the different waist-hip-ratio test.
So again, what we need you to do is circle the number
of your preferred figure.
You know, just wait till we see all six,
and you can circle which one you prefer.
What a lot of the appearance research has shown,
is that there's almost this sort of divine proportion
when it comes to the ratio between the waist and the hips.
Traditionally, a very slim waist with bigger hips,
a sort of hour glass figure is what's particularly attractive
to men.
And there's a lot of theories put forward of more rounded hip
being more child bearing hips and smaller waist being
of conducive to youth and health.
NARRATOR: One other physical attribute also catches
the mens' eyes.
DR LINDA: Since we've become bipedal,
since we've kind of evolved from walking on all fours to standing
on two legs, it's interesting how sexual lures have adapted.
It's become much more centered around the breasts,
y'know I guess the breasts are the new buttocks .. the fact
that the breasts are right under the face which is always what
we focus on, certainly helps.
Thank you for that...
we'll take a look at them.
I like that this is folded up, that just worries me.
NARRATOR: The initial tests show some of the men are turned on
physiologically by a number of the women.
We'll find out a bit later if the women share those same
feelings towards the men.
But first let's check out how sex works in the real world.
And in this....
We're going to follow ladies' man - Rob,
and reveal the extraordinary control sex hormones exert over
his mind and body in his pursuit of a sexual encounter.
ROB: Sex is for fun, sex is for excitement.
I had numerous one night stands.
I'm 27.
I'm definitely not ready to settle down.
I meet a lot of people, see a lot of girls,
hang out with a lot of girls, hook up with a lot of girls.
My friend, cos she knows I don't carry condoms on me,
she got me this for my birthday, and it came with three condoms
in it.
Needless to say, it only lasted me one night,
but still I can just put condoms in it,
and you know I'm ready to go out.
NARRATOR: Tonight Rob's on a mission,
with one simple goal - to have sex.
ROB: I've had sex with a lot of girls...
It's fun! Sex is fun!
NARRATOR: To improve his chances of finding a sexual
partner Rob's brought his wingman, Brian.
BRIAN : Step into my office... ROB: I set the tone!
DR LINDA: Men have a higher sex drive than women.
A women needs to invest in is in one person who's going to be
a great parent helping her raise that child.
From a male's point of view it's going to be about having
the most chance to get those genes to survive by having sex
with as many partners as possible.
BRIAN: You guys seen any girls here,
is there any chicks around?
BRIAN: We go out all the time, almost every single night.
I don't have television or internet at my apartment,
I would much rather go enjoy the night life.
GUY: If they're hot they're taken ...
BRIAN: If they're hot they're taken, huh?
So, yeah...
let's try and talk to some of these taken women.
NARRATOR: As with most men of his age Rob thinks about sex
around 20 times a day, twice as often as women do .
Rob lays down his best lines, but it's his testosterone
that's really doing the talking.
And for single men like Rob it's testosterone that dictates
sexual appetite and the pursuit of a potential mate.
ROB: Well you girls have a very good night.
NARRATOR: Just talking to an attractive girl,
can trigger your testicles to start pumping testosterone out.
In no time your brain's awash with it,
the result - you increase your efforts to get the girl.
ROB: You gotta have sex!
You gotta be healthy.
I think sex is healthy!
NARRATOR: Rob is right, women who enjoy sex regularly live
longer than those that don't and men who have sex 3 times a week
can cut their risk of heart disease and stroke by half.
BRIAN: You girls, hey girls..
ROB: Excuse me ladies...
BRIAN: You're in danger of being empty handed.
Would you care for a drink? Can I get you one?
GIRL: Sure!
BRAIN: What'll it be?
GIRL: Jack and Coke... BRIAN: Jack and Coke...
GIRL: Surprise me...
ROB: You can't get a home run if you don't take a swing.
So, you gotta, at least give it a shot.
SHOT!! Yeah!
I think sex is on everyone's mind,
whether they like to admit it or not.
NARRATOR: One study found that people below the age of 25
thought about sex up to 388 times in one day.
I think about sex about every 11 seconds.
A girl's talking to me and I might think about sex
three or four times in the conversation that we're having
so it does add up yeah.
Man, I think about sex all the time,
I think sex is very important man, - highly sexed individual.
I love females - ha!
NARRATOR: We'll catch up with Rob's attempt to find a willing
sexual partner later.
In the sex lab, it's time to discover if the way the women
think about sex is different from the men.
DR LINDA: So, this is the eye tracking computer...
have a seat...
so very simply, it's going to bring up a series of photographs
for you to enjoy, to look at.
We just want you to completely relax and enjoy looking at
the pictures.
Hi, I'm Dr Linda, what's your name?
FEMALE: Oh, I'm Katharine.
NARRATOR: Almost immediately Katherine's pulse rate,
perspiration and pupil dilation all jump when she looks at
pictures of Jack and Chris.
DR LINDA: There was two guys that Katharine really liked and
we saw it from the galvanic skin response, it was a real spike.
We saw it in her behavioural reaction.
We saw that she stood back, she smiled right away,
but we also saw that she kept that gaze a little bit longer.
FEMALE: Yeah, I think men's eyes are one of the first places
that I look... and their smile.
NARRATOR: Although significant, Katherine's biological responses
aren't as great as the results seen when Chris looked
at Katherine's face.
Like men, female sex drive is also powered by testosterone,
but at a fifteenth of the level seen in males,
so the effect is a lot more subtle.
FEMALE: I've done a fair amount of online dating as well,
so I know that people can upgrade pictures and can look
great and then I meet them and I'm like.. 'where was that
personality I saw in the photo!
DR LINDA: What we're being able to see with this,
is what women are tuned to more in male face.
NARRATOR: A pattern is forming.
It appears the more symmetrical the man's face the stronger
the women's response.
DR LINDA: The reason for this is,
the assumption that if things are symmetrical on the face
then it's indicative of good health, of good genes.
So if you want to take it to its basest level,
y'know we're always searching out for a mate to pass on
our genes and symmetry is one of those big indicators
that persons genes are healthy, they're good and that'll mean
that if they mix up with my genes they'll have a better
chance of survival.
NARRATOR: The results provide both conscious and biological
clues to who the subjects find sexually attractive.
Can the scientific data predict which couple will hook up?
And will everything change when the volunteers meet
face to face?
There's no secret why humans have evolved to have sex
to reproduce.
But nowadays most of us do it for the intense pleasure
it provides through orgasm.
And while three-quarters of men regularly orgasm during sex,
less than a third of women do.
WOMAN: Very important to orgasm during sex.
If not it's just like, you get irritated release you ain't
release nothing.
All that tension. I got to explode. What about you?
MAN: Yeah. Pretty much the same.
I think it's really important to have an orgasm..
I want to make him feel good' 'well for her,
I mean I think sex is all about the girl so if she, like,
orgasms, then it's like pressures off - I'm good!
NARRATOR: But one of the great mysteries in understanding
how sex works is why do women, who can conceive without them,
have orgasms at all?
DR LINDA: Why women orgasm is a bit of a conundrum,
it's sort of like saying why do men have nipples.
Some evolutionary psychologists believe that this is sort of
a throw back to a physiological process that we have
that we don't really need as such.
Yet for others it's seen that there's certainly a function
there that we haven't still figured out what it is.
NARRATOR: In New Jersey, a group of neuroscientists are
attempting to unlock the mystery of the female orgasm.
KOMISARUK: There really are only a couple of laboratories
in the world studying, um, sexual response to orgasm.
We study brain response to genital stimulation,
the pathways leading to orgasm, the orgasm response in women
and then how it resolves.
NARRATOR: To help the scientists' research,
this woman is going to attempt to reach orgasm
in the distinctly unsexy confines of an MRI scanner...
KOMISARUK: Start genital stimulation.
NARRATOR: At a special laboratory in New Jersey,
this woman is about to perform a most intimate act in front of
a gallery of scientists.
The goal?
To try to understand once and for all why women orgasm.
SCIENTIST: Hi I'm Nan Wise, nice to meet you,
and this is Dr Barry Komisaruk...
KOMISARUK: I'm fascinated with the process of orgasm.
Hi Nice to meet you... Dr. Steven...
MONICA: Well yeah it's a little nerve wracking to have an orgasm
in an MRI with so many people around.
I don't usually have such an audience when I'm doing
something so private.
KOMISARUK: This idea of seeing what parts of the brain get
recruited and aroused and activated leading up to
a crescendo of one of .. uh..the most pleasurable experiences
in humans is a umm, a very interesting phenomenon to study.
Can we overcome depression, or addiction or overcome pain
by understanding what parts of the brain are active
and changing those.
We really need some hard evidence about the functions
of orgasm.
SCIENTIST: Ok so before we get started do you have any concerns
about today?
Any trepidations, worries?
MONICA: Other than the nine guys in the room, I'm good!
SCIENTIST: OK!
KOMISARUK: What we are gonna do is the control orgasm first,
and then rest for five minutes and then the actual orgasm.
MONICA: You realise what you guys are calling control orgasm,
we call faking it!
The only time most people go into an MRI is if
there's something wrong, you know, they may be,
they are going to see if have a brain tumour,
they have something going on with their brain,
and I'm going in one to have an orgasm.
Yeah, this isn't the sexiest environment I've ever been in to
have an orgasm, I wore a little lace underneath to kind of help
me out in there so I would feel a little sexier in an MRI,
but donating an orgasm for science, how bad can that be.
KOMISARUK: It's comfortable? Not too tight?
MONICA: It's OK. KOMISARUK: It's OK?
SCIENTIST: OK now I am going to send you in,
you can open your eyes.
KOMISARUK: Monica are you in position to start?
MONICA: Yes. I am.
KOMISARUK: Monica, start genital stimulation.
NARRATOR: Like 75% of women Monica usually achieves orgasm
by clitoral stimulation.
The tip of the clitoris has around 8000 nerve endings,
twice as many as the tip of the penis and more than
any other part of the body.
KOMISARUK: There are different nerves from the genital system
and stimulation of those different nerves goes
to different parts of the brain and it produces different
qualities of orgasms.
NARRATOR: As a woman becomes sexually aroused her vagina
can expand up to 200%, while self lubricating.
SCIENTIST: Is she doing the external stimulation?
NARRATOR: Some studies showed that the average time it takes
a woman to reach orgasm through masturbation is 4 minutes,
with the climax lasting around 20 seconds.
Men on the other hand tend to orgasm in just 2 and a half
minutes, peaking for approximately 12 seconds.
KOMISARUK: Well an orgasm is a, response in the brain that
controls many different systems in the body.
There are many physiological accompaniments to orgasm
increase in blood pressure and heart rate,
increase in pupil diameter...
These are the brain regions that are activated by the stimulation
that she's applying.
Certainly the genital sensory cortex is activated.
So we should be seeing... some activity...
SCIENTIST: She pressed the button at forty five thirty four
SCIENTIST 2: Whooo!!
NARRATOR: Orgasms can also cause the brain to block pain signals.
A recent study suggests climaxing can be as effective
as three doses of morphine.
KOMISARUK: Monica are you OK? You're done, you did great.
OK!
MONICA: It was comparable to what I might have on my own
any other time, not quite comparable to with company,
I prefer with company!
Female orgasms may also have another crucial
reproductive role.
KOMISARUK: There is evidence that one of the functions
of orgasm is to increase uterine contractions that can suck sperm
into the uterus.
And that could have an effect of adding to the likelihood
of pregnancy.
MONICA: I went to my happy place and got happy so hopefully
the scan will, you know, tell the story.
my hope is that a study like this would actually prove
what I already believe about orgasm which is that
it is essential to our being.
NARRATOR: The pleasure we experience during orgasm is
believed to encourage us to have as much sex as possible.
And in men orgasms could also play a key role in driving
ejaculation.
JACKSON: If you've got a good sperm count you're making
something like a 1000 sperm per heartbeat.
You can ejaculate hundreds of millions of sperm per day.
NARRATOR: When a man ejaculates he produces on average over
200 million sperm.
Enough to populate over half of the US.
So, why do men make so many sperm?
To help find an answer, these five students are going
to compete in a sperm race.
JACKSON: What we're going to do today is have a look at
your individual semen samples and then do a little race.
Now if we look at sperm and we look at how they're swimming,
we can see these sperm that are swimming fast across the field
and their heads moving a bit from side to side.
But there's also lots of bits of cell debris and some sperm
that are not swimming at all, others that are just twitching.
When they arrive in the vagina, it's horrible acid environment
and most of the sperm are going to die instantly,
so after an hour white blood cells appear and they're gonna
kill all of those sperm that are in the cervix.
So you've got one hour to get from treacle a third of the way
up Everest otherwise you're dead.
So what we're gonna do today in our sperm race,
we'll look at how many get to a certain distance and also how
far the furthest sperm can swim.
MALE PARTICIPANT: I'd be absolutely gutted if I had low
sperm count.
NARRATOR: Dr Kirkman-Brown asks the volunteers to provide sperm
samples.
Wrapped inside a testicle are tubes over 20 feet long that
produce over one hundred million sperm every day.
Yet despite their huge numbers, sperm only make up a tiny
fraction of the semen.
The rest is food for the journey and chemical protection.
When a man ejaculates, semen squirts out at around 28 mph
followed by an intense rush of pleasure.
A reward for a job well done.
It's now time to count the volunteers' sperm and calculate
how fast and far they swim.
JACKSON: You've had a bit of time away while we have done
the processing in the lab.
Obviously I have got a clipboard with results on it and some data
for us to look at - are people feeling a bit more nervous now?
BOYS Yeah, a little bit nervous now.
BOY 1: The problem is I can only think about sperm now....
Sperm... sperm...sperm..
JACKSON: First of all we just have some data which is just
on the neat semen samples.
But we have got quote a big range of results,
so we've gone from in the region of 45/46 million sperm to one
of you having in the region of 1 billion,
500 million sperm in the ejaculate.
Tom is our hero with over a billion sperm in his ejaculate
did you realize you were a billionaire this morning?
TOM: I always felt there was something special about me
but it's nice to know there are a lot of guys in there...
JACKSON: Is it something you will now tell your friends
about?
TOM: I will now yes, definitely!
JACKSON: The final thing we looked at was which sperm got
the furthest fastest...
We have Tyler as a winner on this one.
BOY 1: ...unbelievable..
NARRATOR: In one minute Tyler's sperm covered a fifth of an inch
which may not sound much,
but it's equivalent to a human swimming through syrup faster
than the best Olympic swimmer.
JACKSON: What you'd have is that first sperm would be getting
the best chance of fertilize that egg.
So in this test that we have run today and the results may be
totally different on another day,
then Tyler would have been the winner at that.
BOY 1: Pretty like, over the moon about it - cos it's always
been a um... at the back of my head, like, would I be alright
if I wanted to have kids.
NARRATOR: Despite the huge numbers of sperm produced,
over 99.9% will be killed by the time they reach their target:
the egg.
This obliteration is one of the key reasons why men have
to produce so much sperm in a single ejaculation.
Most people will have more than one sexual partner
in their lives, so why do so many of us end up
in a monogamous relationship?
Could this soon to be wed couple help provide an answer?
TIFFANY: ..being a virgin, there are some things that I just
won't know until we have sex.
NARRATOR: Ryan and Tiffany have been together for 2 years but
have never had sex.
In 5 days, on their wedding night,
that's all about to change.
RYAN: Why we decided to abstain from sex before marriage in our
relationship mainly stems back from our religious background,
and our beliefs.
We really wanted to cultivate a good friendship and we know that
when a lot of other things are thrown into it like a sexual
or physical relationship in the beginning,
you miss out on a lot of things.
TIFFANY: And of course, you know, with me being a virgin,
there are some things that I just won't know until
we have sex.
RYAN: Temptation is definitely always there and especially
when you're sitting next to your future wife.
I mean if were home alone late, obviously I'm going to be
tempted so it's really avoiding those situations completely,
which really helps a lot.
TIFFANY: I'm not going to lie and say that it's been easy
for us to not have sex.
RYAN: It's a very rare thing, and I'm not saying that to be
like to be like pat ourselves on the back but it takes a lot of
discipline.
NARRATOR: For his bachelor party Ryan heads to the shooting range
Although Tiffany is a virgin, Ryan is not.
RYAN: It is Tiffany's first time and it's not mine.
I did make some decisions in the past to go ahead and have
relations with old girlfriends and so, those...
what I thought was love, was not love how it's supposed to be,
it was more physical, selfish, what can I get out
of this relationship type of thing and so...
good things are worth waiting for and worth working towards
and it's gonna be a huge blessing to experience this and
y'know I love Tiffany so I'm gonna wait for her and protect
her and not be physical ahead of time.
All of this building up, it's gonna lead to a great
experience.
NARRATOR: Couples who are deeply in love produce more of
the pleasure hormone dopamine, that can increase the enjoyment
of having sex.
Will Ryan and Tiffany's first time be all the better
for waiting?
TIFFANY: There is a little bit of nervousness and I think a lot
of it is just because I've never had sex before so.
It's just an unknown, not knowing what to expect and not
knowing, y'know how it's gonna feel and how I should react
and different things like that.
We plan on having sex for the rest of our lives,
so we've got enough time to learn!
NARRATOR: Tiffany is a rarity, as only 5% of people in the US
are virgins on their wedding day.
With most people having sex at the age of 17.
My first time awkward, quick and fun.
I would say awkward and eye-opening.
Well I lost mine in high school in like tenth grade so like
sixteen.
Well, just the age that I regret,
if I could turn back the hands of time I would have waited
'til I was at that right age you know.
I was 15, the girl was seventeen,
we were drinking and you know had some fun that night,
of course used protection, I was a little nervous,
a little scared but you know, eventually you know,
I got to use of it and started working it out.
I was twenty when I lost my virginity and I was embarrassed
'cos I was so old.
It was my first, like, real true love and I decided it was a good
idea.
He turned into a real douchebag who stole my bike,
my camera and my phone and he slashed my car tyres so probably
could have picked him better!
NARRATOR: In the sex lab the tests to discover how our
sub-conscious responses control our choice of sexual partner
continue.
It's time for the male and female subjects to meet for
the first time, in a controlled speed dating experiment.
Will their initial biological reactions reflect how they
respond to each other in person?
How, How is it been so far?
Dr Linda is interested to see how Katherine and Chris,
the couple who responded the most to pictures of each other,
react when they meet.
FEMALE PARTICIPANT: Regardless if it'll be fun, but,
there were two guys in particular that kind
of stood out.
There were a couple of guys that I thought were attractive,
I'm just hoping that I have a pleasant two minutes.
DR LINDA: Ok John can you, can you fit Amy out with these...
NARRATOR: Eye-tracking glasses will let us see if there's
a difference in where men and women look.
FEMALE PARTICIPANT: ...I's totally.... I'm really nervous.
I'm just hoping that whoever sits across can see past
my glasses ... to the real me.
DR LINDA: Let's bring in the guys - can I have Chris come in,
please?
The way that we matched you was based on all these biometric
results, so all the stuff that we've been doing;
What got your heart fluttering, what got their fluttering
it's based on that.
William? OK William. MALE PARTICIPANT: How are you?
NARRATOR: The females' eyes tend to lock on to the faces of men
with more masculine features such as a strong jawline
and a broad forehead.
But with Amy's heart rate and perspiration levels remaining
constant, it's possible that none of the men are exciting
her at a biological level.
The male subjects eyes quickly drift to the breasts even
the briefest of glances, see a jump in heart rate and sweat.
The reptilian part of the brain has really kicked in.
DR LINDA: It's really interesting because when you do
research like this you can kind of see them interacting on
that kind of 3D level of really getting to know it each other.
You can see sparks flying especially,
and very interestingly, with the two that were rated the highest.
OK guys! STOP!
How has it been Amy?
FEMALE PARTICIPANT: I don't know - it's fun, it's interesting.
MALE PARTICIPANT: It's been awesome, beautiful smile.
It's awesome to interact with her. Ah, fun!
NARRATOR: As a species we're genetically programmed to seek
out a sexual partner..
yet for nearly 15 million people in the United States approaching
a member of the opposite sex is a terrifying experience.
But is there a way of overcoming this so-called approach anxiety?
30 year old Kurt hopes so, the stress he feels is so extreme
he's still a virgin.
KURT: I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex.
As far as being a virgin goes, as more as I'm getting older,
it's more of a burden on my mind.
When it comes to talking to them, I don't know what to say,
I clam up, I get very nervous.
Our other friend was here with me and uh...there was like 5
girls or something like that he was talking with them and
chatting them up and everything and I thought it was a good
opportunity to go talk with them...
no.... they ALL got up!
I don't know dude. I don't know what the problem was.
What am I doing wrong?
I've been following the pick-up community for a couple
of years now.
NARRATOR: Desperate to get over his phobia of talking to women,
and to finally have sex, Kurt has contacted professional
pick up artist Beckster.
KURT: I came across Beckster through a friend of mine.
Him and I started chatting and talking about pick up and
everything else and that I would like to train with him.
BEXTER: When you see someone you like,
you have to go and talk to them within 3 seconds...
BECKSTER: Yeah.. go!
If you wait too long, the moment's gone for one,
it's not spontaneous for two, it seems unconvincing and
unnatural, and also you can go inside your mind and think of
excuses not to approach, and that's called analysis
paralysis.
So you actually convince yourself not to go and do it.
Go back and ask for her facebook,
tell her you want to invite her to a fancy dress party.
Just go and talk to people, y'know we're all human beings.
NARRATOR: Will Beckster be able to help Kurt find a woman?
KURT: Excuse me ladies, how are you this evening?
NARRATOR: 30 year old virgin Kurt has arranged to meet
Professional pick up artist Beckster, in Manhattan,
for an intensive one on one crash course in seduction.
BECKSTER: I got into learning these seduction techniques for
my own benefit, because about 15 years ago I was in a worse place
than Kurt was and I really needed to get out of my shell.
I really had no female interaction whatsoever,
no female friends or nothing and so I was stuck in a rut.
Today I've got some missions for you...
KURT: Ok...
BECKSTER: The first mission is, I want you to ask some girls
just where a good coffee shop is KURT: Yeh, yeah..
Excuse me miss, I was just wondering if there was a good
coffee shop...
GIRL: Ah, I don't know sorry!
KURT: .... I was wondering if you wanted to go for a quick cup
of coffee with me?
GIRL: Um, no, I'm late. I'm sorry.
KURT: You are? OK. Thank you then.
I'm actually going to a party a bit later on this evening,
I was wondering if I could invite you to it?
GIRL: Again, I'm sorry, I have to decline...
BECKSTER: You gotta spin, you get a spin for that!
So I'm going to get you to talk to a few people, ok,
and just say something like, you have a great vibe
and I know it's a busy city but you're still shining out
above that, Ok
Go tell her you like her boots as well, go!
Go , go-go-go!
KURT: I am very not used to this, but I'll give it a go!
BECKSTER: As soon as I say go, just go,
don't think about it or you'll get analysis paralysis.
... go! go!
Y'know for some people this is harder than going to war.
They'd rather fight in a war than they would talk to a girl
on the street.
KURT: It's not that I'm not ready to have sex or lose my
virginity, it's the fact it's nervousness goes on in my head.
NARRATOR: The root of Kurt's problem,
and others who suffer approach anxiety,
lies in how a part of their brain assesses if the potential
pleasure of sex is worth risking the pain of rejection.
The limbic system controls our body's most primal instincts:
to fight, flight, feed or fornicate.
And when Kurt approaches a woman,
memories of past failures warn the limbic system
that the threat is greater than the reward.
Resulting in a rush of stress hormones,
that increase his pulse and sweat levels so much he starts
to feel distressed, even sick.
KURT: Excuse me, just wondering where you got your fancy outfits
at, they're... they're neat!
BECKSTER: Rejection's probably the worst things that people
fear in this , because no one wants to be rejected,
but we have to learn that rejection's not personal because
they don't know you yet, and he needs to see that.
He's learnt major life lessons very quickly.
Simple things like don't lean in when you talk to a girl,
smiling when you go in and maybe a small touch of the elbow.
These things heighten sexual arousal and that's how we find
a mate.
He's gonna eventually find people that do want to go
on dates with him and go for coffee with him and have sexual
relations with him.
KURT: Excuse me ladies, how are you this evening?
Am I doing this right?
Am I not doing this right?
How is she feeling about this?
How am I feeling about this?
It's just a whole different cycle of things going through
my mind.
BECKSTER: This is how you learn, but going back and taking
that risk, alright? KURT: Huh...
BECKSTER: The answer is always 'yes' when you want to learn
something. KURT: Right.
BECKSTER: You wanna learn this? KURT: ....yes.
NARRATOR: By repeatedly facing his fear Kurt can reduce his
limbic system's threat response.
KURT: I only have a few minutes, I'm in town for a couple hours
I'd like your opinion, which is more important to you,
to be wanted, or needed?
GIRL: I mean, I think wanted is probably the right thing
to say.. KURT: Ok...
GIRLS: Hiiiiigh! KURT: Maybe I.....
you both have very stylish fashion sense...
GIRL 2: Thank you darling, alright let's go..
GIRL 1: Does that answer your question?
KURT: Sure... you have a great night ladies... thank you.
BECKSTER: You have to go back then yeah? Ok?
KURT: Sorry ladies, I don't mean to interrupt again,
I just want to let you know,
but I'm going a party a little bit later on,
I'd like to invite both of you... if you wish.
GIRL 2: We have plans, sorry... GIRL 1: Where are you going?
KURT: We're going to Co-op restaurant and bar,
it's near here.
Um, what I could do is I could actually text message you,
or somehow?
That way we could get in contact with each other
a little bit later.
BECKSTER: He's doing really well now..
KURT: I'm actually a musician as well, so..
GIRL 2: Oh really? What do you play?
KURT: Ah, drums, bass and I sing.
GIRL1: Text me later ok? Bye! KURT: Definitely, definitely..
Ok! Thank you ladies have a great night!
BECKSTER: See?
That's what I'm talking about, you had the guts to go back
and you got what you want. KURT: That went super well.
BECKSTER: Super well yeah? KURT: HA! HA!
BECKSTER: Awesome.
KURT: Before yesterday, I could never do that, now,
when I go home, I won't be as scared, I'll know what to do,
or know what to say.
I'll have positive...positivity going through me and knocking
walls down and everything else.
BECKSTER: Welcome to the club!
KURT: Thank you Beckster, thank you!
NARRATOR: In the sex lab Dr Linda is exploring another tried
and tested way of getting over approach anxiety.
DR LINDA: Now here comes the funnest part of all
the experiments.
All I need you to do now is do what you would normally do on
any given evening in a nightclub.
I want you to mingle I want you to talk to each other
and I also want to see how things change once we add
alcohol to the equation.
So if you guys can just enjoy a glass of wine,
or a beer that would be great.
Well, enjoy each other! Not like that!
Interestingly as soon as we mentioned alcohol there was
almost kind of a sigh of relief It's an environment
that they're used to so they're feeling a lot more confident;
you can see their non-verbals now.
We're already starting to see as well a lot of the more
flirtatious behaviours happening,
some sort of flicking of the hair for girls,
you know the boys standing in a certain way with chests out
kind of making that prominent and
even in a few cases I've seen already a lot of that mirroring
that we often find when we like someone so we want to indicate
that interest in if they touch their face we touch our face,
if they lean forward we do, that's a real indicator of them
wanting to connect so it's fascinating to see what's
happening and how much more, rather,
how much less inhibited they are.
How does the consumption of alcohol affect our behaviour?
DR ALIA ATAYA: Once you consume alcohol it has a global effect
across the brain so it results in lowering your inhibitions.
You're more likely to engage in certain behaviours that
you wouldn't normally engage in.
DR LINDA: Does the consumption of alcohol mean that we'll look
at people more favourably when it comes to attractiveness,
is there a grain of truth to this?
DR ALIA ATAYA: Once you consume alcohol,
you expect to engage in more social behaviour,
you expect to be more relaxed.
You expect to meet people and you start to perceive
individuals as more attractive and favourable.
NARRATOR: As we drink one part of our brain after another
is affected.
First the pre-frontal cortex, the part that tells us not
to say or do the wrong things, is suppressed,
making us less sexually inhibited.
Then the limbic system, our risk avoidance controller,
is cranked down.
With these areas smothered by drink,
our sex hormones are allowed to run riot.
Alcohol can also increase our levels of sexual desire.
In women, drink can cause a rise in testosterone,
increasing their interest in sex.
And studies show it reduces our ability to spot facial symmetry,
making us a lot less choosy an effect known as beer goggles.
And the time the boys look at breasts has risen from fractions
of a second, too much, much longer.
There's nothing better and gets me in the mood than just
making out.
I mean, really, one drink and just start making out,
have a good make-out session, and I'm ready to pull off
my pants for you.
NARRATOR: Back in LA lounge lizard Rob discovers his tactic
of using a wingman to improve his chances of finding a sexual
partner has backfired.
ROB: Brian is probably the biggest ladies' man think
I'll ever meet, he just slays women.
BRIAN: Tonight we met a couple of girls they were with a bunch
of friends actually and all of the friends left except for one
girl, she decided to stay behind with me so we are going
to you know, go and play around.
NARRATOR: Even though his hormones are driving Rob to find
a partner, in humans it's often the female who are the choosy
sex, as they invest more in reproduction and parenting
than males.
And on this occasion it's Brian who's been chosen, not Rob.
ROB: Good stuff. Lady, nice meeting you.
Nice to meet you...
I didn't necessarily go home with the girl,
but Brian did so that's good for him,
you know that's a victory for one of us.
I'm gonna go home all alone by myself and cry myself to sleep.
Nah, that's not gonna happen.
Tonight was one of those nights you know sometimes it's not
always about, meeting the hottest girl and having sex
with them.
You strike out some nights.
NARRATOR: Rob knows it is only a matter of time before he has
sex, but for some men having intercourse can prove to be
an impossibility.
At 22, ice hockey coach Colin should be at his sexual peak,
yet despite having girlfriends he's always failed to have
an erection.
COLIN: I would describe myself as a very athletic person,
whether it's going to the gym every day, going for a run,
playing hockey.
All through my youth and teen years I was never able to have
an erection.
Being surrounded by other guys in hockey locker rooms
and the conversation of sex comes up all the time,
I just started to wonder, hey am I normal?
What's going on? What's supposed to happen?
NARRATOR: Colin is not alone, in the US as many as 30 million men
are regularly unable to get or maintain an erection during sex.
With the causes including stress, ageing,
obesity and circulatory problems.
For Colin the devastating impact the problem was having
on his life, forced him to take drastic action.
COLIN: It just tore me apart inside.
It was a constant weight that was on me,
knowing that I couldn't have sex with anybody.
After going through all the solutions,
the answer was finally a penile implant.
NARRATOR: Although still in his early 20s
Colin has never been able to have an erection.
To try to understand why, he's turned to his Dad.
COLIN'S DAD: He called me on the phone and asked if anybody
in the family had circulation problems.
COLIN: Yep.
COLIN'S DAD: ...and I said no, why do you ask?
and you said well because I can't get an erection.
And I was at the other end of the phone and I think it went
dead, you know, what? he can't get what, an erection?
Well the first thing that's hard to deal with is knowing that
your child has a birth defect which you helped create,
you know, and it's particularly one that's like
this, you know, so that's the first thing I have to deal with.
NARRATOR: When Colin was examined,
the doctors discovered that for some reason,
there was a fault in the flow of blood into Colin's penis when he
became sexually aroused, making it impossible to build up enough
pressure to produce an erection
The most common treatment for erectile dysfunction is to take
pills, such as Viagra, that increase blood flow
to the penis, but for Colin the drugs didn't help.
COLIN: It just tore me apart inside.
It was a constant weight that was on me,
knowing that I couldn't have sex with anybody.
It got to a point where I wanted to have sex so bad that after
going through all the solutions, the answer was finally a penile
implant.
NARRATOR: It took surgeons over three and half hours to insert
silicon rods into the muscles of Colin's penis that were
then attached to a small pump inside his scrotum.
COLIN: Alright, here we have an implant bulb,
which serves as a pump and as a release.
So in your lower abdomen area there's a fluid reservoir and
chords going all the way down into the penile implant and into
the pump that's in the scrotum.
In real life, ok, so we have the sluice chamber goes down
into the pump.
When I want to get an erection I just pump a couple of times
and then all that fluid's in the penis and I have an erection.
When I wanna deflate, I grab the bulb and all of the fluid goes
back out of the penis through the pump and that reservoir
balloon kind of fills back up.
That was a $30,000 erection that you just saw.
It was a huge relief after I could finally have sex for
the first time it was just like this weight was lifted off
my shoulders and I could finally just step outside and feel free.
Funny enough the first erection I ever had lasted me ten weeks.
MALE FRIEND Are you serious?
COLIN: Yeah because they put the implant in at like 50 or 60%
inflated,
friend: what did you do for ten weeks?
Stayed indoors!
He keeps joking around with me that I should be the first
implant porn star.
I can have an erection whenever I want to for as long as I want
to, something that was on my mind every day for my entire
life up until that point is now gone.
So now I can have a boner 24/7.
NARRATOR: With his erection restored,
Colin is able to enjoy a healthy sex life.
Back in Houston it's Tiffany's bachelorette party.
She and her fiancé, Ryan, have never had sex.
But with their wedding just 3 days away that's all about
to change.
TIFFANY'S FRIEND: You're getting married!
TIFFANY: ..In 3 days!
TIFFANY'S FRIEND: Are you more excited or nervous?
TIFFANY: I think I'm more excited.
TIFFANY'S FRIEND: About the whole thing?
Like, the wedding day and the wedding night?
NARRATOR: Tiffany uses her bachelorette party to get some
last minute tips.
TIFFANY: I told Ryan-- I was like,
don't feel really bad if just start crying during our
honeymoon for like no reason.
And he's like, do you mean like while we're having sex?
I was like I didn't mean that, but maybe!
I've asked some people that I know and that I trust,
just what to expect and, you know, how to prepare myself,
you know, emotionally and physically, and...
FRIEND: Take it from me who had no clue...
you will figure it out and you will find things that you like
and you will find things that you don't like,
but you have got to talk.
You have got to say that, I did not feel that...
FRIEND: Yeah...
but it's ok 'cause I mean you're married, so it's just like,
Ooh, I really liked that, or don't do that!'
TIFFANY: Some of my friends have just recommended, you know,
different lubricants to use and condoms to use that, you know,
won't bother you and do whatever you can to help you relax and be
comfortable together, naked, you know, for the first time!
FRIEND: I didn't really know what sex was 'til after
I got married.
I mean, no, like, seriously, it's so different,
it's so much better and 10 years and 5 kids later...
...it keeps getting better!
GIRLS Ohh! FRIEND: That's good news!
NARRATOR: Finding somebody to have sex with is one of our most
powerful instincts, yet science is beginning to recognise a
group of people who have no desire to have intercourse
they're known as asexuals.
A recent study estimates there are over 65 million asexuals
worldwide.
21 year old student Jenni identifies herself as asexual.
JENNI: The basic definition is that you lack sexual attraction
and for me it basically just means that I don't look
at people and think Hmm.
Yeah, I'd have sex with you.
I mean people are like, Oh but if you've not tried it then
how do you know?
And it's like, well, if your straight,
have you tried having sex with someone, you know,
of the same sex as you?
How do you know you wouldn't enjoy that?
It-- you just kind of know that if you're not interested in it,
you're not interested in it, regardless of have you tried it
or not?
NARRATOR: Asexuality is becoming accepted as a distinct sexual
orientation, rather than a disorder,
although science has yet to uncover the reason
for the lack of sexual desire.
JENNI: There are people who definitely view it as a disorder
and are like, Oh, if we give you these pills we can fix it,
or people who ask you, Have you had your hormones checked?
as though that's the obvious solution,
they totally understand what it is.
And then you have people who go one step worse and I've been
asked before if I have been molested as a child.
NARRATOR: Although Jenni isn't interested in sex,
she has a boyfriend.
JENNI: Come on you.
Hey you.
NARRATOR: Tim and Jenni are a few weeks into their sexless
relationship.
TIM: I mean, like, the first time that Jenni sort of
mentioned in conversation...
JENNI: In my very subtle way.
TIM: ...that she was a-sexual, umm,
well my initial thought was, Hmm, that's kind of odd.
But then I-- I did know enough to know not to make assumptions
sort of about what that meant.
NARRATOR: Even though asexuals are not sexually attracted to
other people, research shows many still have a sex drive
which they satisfy through masturbation.
But even when couples don't have sex,
studies have shown that kissing and cuddling can cause the brain
to release oxytocin, a hormone that's also released when people
in sexual relationships orgasm.
Jenni might be happy to go without sex,
but in LA Rob is not.
It's been 2 weeks since Rob last had intercourse,
to satisfy the demands of his hormones he's turned to close
friend Brittany.
ROB: Tonight, I'm looking forward to, uh,
to going out with... with Brittany.
Brittany is a is a friend of mine.
I'm pretty sure we're gonna go out and have a lot of fun,
and then we'll probably make our way back here.
I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen.
The sex with Brittany...
it's good, yeah, definitely.
Yeah! Really good, she knows what she's doing.
But yeah, good sex.
Hello Brittany. BRITANNY: Hi!
ROB: How are you? BRITTANY: Good. How are you?
I mean I like hanging out with you 'cause we have
a really good time together and you make me feel good about
myself.
It's just, you know, fun and games but we're good
friends...with benefits. ROB: Yeah.
That's well put.
Sex is supposed to feel good, you're supposed to feel good
after having sex and I don't want to hook up with a girl
that goes, Ah, what why did I do that?
BRITTANY: Exactly, you want to you don't want to wake up
the next morning and say, I couldn't even tell you what
she looked like, I can't even tell you her name,
I don't know where she came from.
ROB: Do you have to wake up early tomorrow?
...Like, do you want to sleep over?
BRITTANY: You can't just ask that,
you have to get me drunk first.
ROB: I don't have to get your drunk first!
You've stayed over about fifteen times...
BRITTANY: I've only had one glass of wine.
ROB: 'Cos I need to know if not I'm going to call another
person.
BRITTANY: Oh, you have your line-up,
I'm a loser... your booty-calls?
ROB: I'm joking.
BRITTANY: We should talk about something...
more juicy.
ROB: Sexual?
The plans for the rest of the evening is going to go like
this: ah, we're going to go and pick up, ah,
ingredients to make S'mores and Brittany is going to make her
special whiskey cider, cook that up and have a nice dessert,
and then maybe more dessert.
BRITTANY Stop.
ROB: There's nothing better than... than a nice kiss.
It's the first spark, it's the first initial, you know,
feeling.
NARRATOR: Packed with nerve endings our lips and tongue
are incredibly sensitive to stimulation.
A passionate kiss causes our bodies to go into pleasure
overdrive; our pulse and breathing quickens,
more oxygen rushes to our brain, pleasure hormones flow
and our cheeks flush.
Not only does kissing arouse us, it can improve sexual
gratification.
With his hormones flooding his system Rob's body is primed
to have sex.
Oh, is that what you wanted... see I wanted that.. Here take it
Brainwashed by his sex hormones, Rob's libido is in overdrive.
He's turned to friend with benefits, Brittany.
BRITTANY: Ah!
ROB: You taste like marshmallow and gram crackers.
BRITTANY: inaudible Oh please.
Ow!
ROB: C'mere baby! BRITTANY: Oh, jeez... Ah!
NARRATOR: Foreplay stimulates a number of physiological
responses.
In Rob blood becomes trapped inside his penis causing it to
swell and harden.
The vaginal walls thicken and lubricate.
Upon penetration nerve endings in the penis,
clitoris and vagina are stimulated increasing activity
in over 80 regions of the brain, including the pleasure centers,
triggering the start of the orgasm.
As the orgasm builds pulses travel from the anal sphincter
to the tip of the penis.
These pulses increase in speed and intensity,
until climax is reached, causing muscles around the body,
including the face, to spasm.
After an orgasm, a man's brain releases chemicals,
such as prolactin, that bring on tiredness.
ROB: That was a wonderful passionate night and, ah, yeah.
We can't really show you what went on because it would be
rated X.
We're starting to connect more, you know,
there was definitely more passion and more emotion.
BRITTANY: If you can have fun together,
you have good sexual chemistr, you have a lot in common.
It's hard to find that in one package.
COUPLE 1: Yeah I would say, I mean an orgasm feels like, yeah,
it's like pleasure but it's also stress release,
it's a connection to her, it's like relaxation coming over
your whole body.
MALE 1: Oh I absolutely can get a girl to orgasm.
MALE 2: No, I think, um, that actually for me it almost gets
me off to make the girl orgasm, you know I would rather her
orgasm first obviously and multiple times, if possible,
but um, no, it's a sense of accomplishment, I think.
MALE 3: Yeah, the goal's definitely her first and a
couple of times before you.
NARRATOR: Finding a compatible sexual partner is vital for the
survival of the human species.
But for some people sex is not about reproduction...
BRYAN: I would say 17 years old was definitely my first sexual
encounter. It was with a guy.
I remember being nervous and everything - there was that
awkwardness, like, is this what you're supposed to be doing?
But I just sort of that mentality where it's like,
I'm gay, so what?
I'm just sort of like fearless about it, I'm just like,
You know what, just whatever happens, happens.
Sex is supposed to be fun, right?
I figure everybody has sex, just, you know,
we have different kinds of sex.
DR LINDA: One of the interesting things about differing
sexualities is that in-- in recent years we've found that
there's at least some evidence to suggest a physiological
a biological hereditary basis to this,
but having said this we don't know a lot about it,
we don't know necessarily, you know, why it exists,
and why it exists in the animal kingdom as well because it's not
just, not just with humans.
NARRATOR: Homosexuality is found throughout the animal kingdom,
having been observed in almost 1, 500 species
ranging from giraffes to bottle nose dolphins.
But the cause of homosexuality is still unknown,
however some reports suggest each older brother increases
the odds of a man being gay by 33%.
BRYAN: Once you know that you are gay,
it then gets to the point where you're taking that to the next
step, you know, interacting with it I guess you'd say;
touching it, licking it, putting it places - the whole shebang.
NARRATOR: Around three and a half percent of American adults
describe themselves as lesbian, gay or bisexual
about 11 million people in total.
MALE 1: Well I was with women before, when I was younger,
and after I was with women I was with men.
GAY MAN 1: It all started at the age of seventeen,
let's put it like that, I used to date girls before that but at
the age of seventeen it was my like my first funny experience
with a guy.
GAY MAN 2: Yeah, I lost my virginity to a woman,
not even a woman it was a high school girl when I was thirteen,
um, I had no idea that I was gay or bi or anything until
I was divorced the second time.
MALE 1: People think that being gay is a choice, it's not,
it's when you're gay that's what you ultimately want.
NARRATOR: Scientists are still trying to crack the puzzle
of why some people prefer the opposite sex, the same sex,
or in the case of some people both sexes...
AIDAN: Sometimes I'm in the mood to be straight,
so I only get with girls.
Sometimes I'm in the mood to be gay so I only get with guys.
The grass is always greener on the other side,
if you know what I mean?
So, if I'm with a guy I wanna be with a girl,
if I'm with a girl I wanna be with a guy?
NARRATOR: Like many bisexuals Aiden has a higher sex drive
than either straight or gay people.
AIDAN: Gay guys tend to think I'm greedy so they don't really
see me as relationship material; they see me more as a one-night
stand.
Um, girls they take it either one of two ways.
One: they move away from the idea of having sex with me
because I've had sex with guys, um,
and the fact that they think that if I were to have be in
a relationship with them then they've got double the people
to look out for if I was to cheat on them or, um,
someone wanted to try and cheat with me.
I do enjoy casual sex with I suppose anyone.
Um, but in my experience if I wanted to go out tonight and
have sex, it would be easier to get with a guy because I'm a lot
more comfortable just randomly going out and getting with a guy
than I am with a girl, and I think I could find a guy quicker
than I could find a girl to go and have sex with.
NARRATOR: To satisfy his sexual urges Aiden uses an app
on a smartphone to locate potential partners.
AIDEN: I could in theory probably meet like 5 or 6 people
and just be like, I'll meet you there at this time or here
at this time.
I'm not saying that I will, but you could.
A guys talking to me now, and he's asking me for pictures.
I have some naughty pictures, but mainly they-- people ask for
more pictures of your face just because you can put any profile
picture up but that doesn't necessarily mean that's you.
NARRATOR: It's not long before Aiden tracks down somebody
who wants to have sex.
AIDEN: I didn't know it was gonna definitely happen tonight,
but I've obviously been talking and I told him my day off was
today and tomorrow so I've just been kind of hinting it
I suppose, to him, and now he's kind of come back and said,
Well, I've got an hour, so I can get there in kind of ten minutes
and then be done in be done in half an hour so I'll be
quite happy.
Um, I do have a condom in my back pocket, um,
just in case he doesn't.
NARRATOR: Meeting up with a stranger for casual sex
is risky, but it's a risk that Aiden's willing to take.
Bisexual Aiden is on his way to have sex with a stranger
he's arranged to meet using a smartphone app.
AIDEN: I guess what goes through my mind on the way to hook up
is, um, a bit of nervousness; I've never met the guy before.
Obviously the thrill of going to actually meet someone,
the excitement of that is a is a big factor which I enjoy.
NARRATOR: A sense of danger can fuel sexual excitement.
Heightened levels of adrenaline can double the heart rate;
a rush of endorphins produce a sense of exhilaration,
and in the brain, instinct takes over this is not a time
for thinking, but for action!
AIDEN: Definitely nervous at the moment.
I want to make sure I perform, firstly.
I gotta make sure that, because he's quite attractive,
that he um that he enjoys it.
It was a very good night.
We both got what we wanted out of it and it was a good release
for me, I really enjoyed it.
I suppose I can relate it to when I go to the gym and when
you had a good workout, you pumped some iron,
and it's the same kind of feeling that you get when
you go for a hook up.
It's like you've got more energy,
you've just released loads and now you've got more and
you just wanna like do it again.
NARRATOR: With increased sexual activity,
the greater the risk of contracting a sexually
transmitted disease.
There are at least 25 different STD's that can be spread through
vaginal, anal and oral sex.
Most can be prevented by wearing a condom, but others,
like herpes, can be spread by skin to skin contact,
and are less easy to avoid.
The most common STD is Human Papilloma Virus,
which infects over 50 per cent of sexually active people
at some point in their lives.
And in the last decade the number of people with Chlamydia
has doubled it can be easily cured with antibiotics,
but it left untreated it can lead to sterility in women
and men.
But for some STDs there is no cure...
BRYAN: The guy who infected me I met through a mutual friend
and then, slowly but surely, we just sort of had this connection
going.
Then we eventually started exploring ourselves sexually;
we started a relationship, what can I say?
It was actually probably my first love I'd say I had.
We never used protection, even at the beginning
of the relationship.
I was head over heels, I never thought anything about it.
And so, finally, I just started asking:
like have you ever contracted anything from some people?
Well, it went silent.
And he finally full out said, Well I have HIV.
I started getting sick, I mean my whole body ached.
This was like probably a week and a half-two weeks after
he told me.
I like... being in the mentality where I was like,
This can't happen to me. I'm really young...
and everything, just I can't be this sick.
I literally felt like I wanted to keel over and die.
NARRATOR: Brian let the world know he was HIV positive.
BRYAN: I'm sorry to tell you this but the blood results that
we took on you have come back and you have HIV...I've never
felt so violated before, never, at all felt so violated.
All sense of trust and everything flew out the window.
It was just like death became a reality at that point.
He was very ruthless towards me, very, just like, you know,
you brought this upon yourself, you didn't ask,
that's your problem, blah blah blah.
That is a crime, I mean, if you're HIV positive,
you're supposed to let your partner know.
I didn't know how to react to it.
NARRATOR: HIV attacks our immune system.
If left untreated the virus will destroy our body's ability
to fight off infection; a condition known as AIDS.
To date over one million Americans have contracted AIDS.
But thanks to powerful anti-viral drugs,
it's no longer the certain death sentence it once was.
DOCTOR: When we first measured your virus level in March,
it was 55,000 viruses per cc of blood, and last month,
as expected, after three months of your medication your virus
levels dropped quite a bit and they're down to 93 copies.
So, I anticipate that this month we shall see no virus,
detectable by this method anyways.
BRYAN: I hope so, yeah.
BOYFRIEND: Do you want to put some onions in there?
BRYAN: Go for it. Do you wanna do that while I get
the Zucchini going? BOYFRIEND: Yeah.
NARRATOR: For Brian, life goes on.
He has a new partner, Travis, who is also HIV positive.
BRYAN: There's always that type of thing, like,
how is my partner going to respond when they find out
I'm HIV positive?
Are they not gonna wanna be with me anymore?
I mean, we dealt with that even before we met each other,
we just knew it was going to be a non-issue.
TRAVIS: Right. We're gonna make it.
NARRATOR: In Texas, Tiffany and Ryan's two-year wait to have sex
is almost over.
TIFFANY: I'm excited; I'm really excited.
There's already, you know, Ryan can't find his tie but
that's okay.
But everything else is like gorgeous I mean,
the setup is beautiful; I walked up and I just almost started
crying.
I couldn't have asked for better weather, so, I'm really excited
RYAN: I'm pretty nervous; I don't really feel like
I know what's going on right now.
Um, things are kind of moving fast.
NARRATOR: Waiting until they are married to have sex is a gamble,
as sexual dissatisfaction is one of the main reasons for divorce.
In just a few hours Tiffany and Ryan will discover
just how sexually compatible they really are...
It's Ryan and Tiffany's wedding day.
In just a few hours they're going to have sex for
the first time.
MINISTER: We are gathered here, in the sight of God and these
witnesses, you; the closest friends and family of Ryan
and Tiffany.
FRIEND: It is God that ordained the man and his wife to both be
naked and not ashamed, but that's later.
MINISTER: By the power vested in me,
by God and the great state of Texas,
I pronounce you man and wife. Ryan you may kiss your bride.
FRIEND: Well I'm pretty sure she's really excited,
I'm sure because we've talked about it over and over and over
and over again.
I mean she's got all the advice from everybody around her
so she'll take it from there. She's ready!
The couple of the century, Mr and Mrs Ryan Butterfras!
TIFFANY: With me, being a virgin there are some things
that I just won't know until we have sex,
but I'm not you know stupid, everyone knows how sex works.
FRIEND: Kiss for the camera!
TIFFANY: More than being nervous I am very excited to have a
deeper connection and, you know, it's a joy to be able to walk
into this together and say, Hey, you know,
now we can be completely vulnerable together and
know each other to the fullest.
I'm really excited, I'm ready.
TIFFANY: The wedding night was actually I would say better
than I expected.
We drove back to the hotel and everything went smoothly.
RYAN: Yeah. No speeding tickets on the way to the hotel,
she had to tell me to slow down several times.
TIFFANY: It was actually a really great experience,
it was the best, I mean better than I could have asked for
a first experience with sex.
RYAN: It doesn't feel like to me like it's the same thing every
time, it feels like it's a whole different new experience,
every time.
There's always that kind of like,
sometimes I'll have an off day, other times I won't, you know,
and vice versa so I don't know if that means...
TIFFANY: That hasn't happened yet!
RYAN: Well I appreciate that. TIFFANY: I'm really enjoying it!
RYAN: I'm blushing now.
NARRATOR: Sex may be fun, but let's not forget it does have
a serious purpose.
Carl and April are soon to have their first baby.
CARL: It feels good to be out, doesn't it?
APRIL: Yeah, it feels like ages.
CARL: It's just the fact that in the next couple of weeks,
you know, there's going to be a little kid in my arms,
you know what I mean?
It's just unbelievable, it really is.
NARRATOR: Although around a quarter million babies are born
every day, actually getting somebody pregnant is
surprisingly tricky.
Of the hundreds of millions of sperm that make it into
the vagina almost all are killed instantly.
The few thousand that do survive are drawn by heat and chemicals
to the fallopian tubes.
The closer to the egg they get, the faster the sperm swim.
It's a race against time.
Too slow and they'll either be destroyed by the woman's immune
system or run out of energy.
Only about a dozen sperm will make it anywhere near the egg,
of which one, the strongest, will penetrate it,
creating a new life.
APRIL: The baby moves quite a lot,
I get a few little kicks or or even hiccups actually.
It's stopped now.
NARRATOR: Our sexual urges are so great that even when a female
is pregnant, we still want to have intercourse.
MALE 1: When my partner was pregnant she was definitely
more sexually active than... at... before.
I believe her hormones just kicked in and she was like
super-super all the time
GIRL 1: I think you get really horny, um,
while you're pregnant.
No, from the hormones I'm not joking,
I couldn't get enough of it, but now I'm like starting
to slow down.
Now I'm like, you know, in the position and like,
trying to like, find the angles of like how... how we're going
to do it and stuff like that gets a little bit, you know,
tricky and you gotta just be creative.
GIRL 2: In my second trimester I was the horniest I've ever been
in my life, and then in the third trimester you're just
so huge and uncomfortable you really just kind of get through
the day and kind of float in a pool if you can.
APRIL: Yeah, my sex drive definitely went up for a while.
NARRATOR: The surge of hormones during pregnancy can increase
blood flow to the pelvic area and enhance vaginal lubrication.
Intensifying the feelings of sexual arousal and pleasure.
But the changes in a woman's body shape can cause problems.
CARL: She was on top and she slipped and I could feel the
bump hit me in the stomach, it was like proper freaked me out.
And that's-- that's what I was kinda thinking, you know,
'cause if the bump gets some impact, you know,
it will have an effect on the baby, you know what I mean,
and it was just...
APRIL: You're limited to what you can do,
so it kind of takes the fun out of it a little bit.
I'm gonna put this on here.
NARRATOR: Studies suggest a man's sex drive drops around
the birth of his child.
This could be to stop him straying and to promote bonding
with the new baby.
CARL: I can't wait.
It's just the thought, just the thought of her just being there
in my arms. I can't wait.
NARRATOR: The time has come for April to give birth.
CARL: The contractions started about 4 o'clock this afternoon
and, um, yeah it's been a long day.
So it's been going on for the best part of 11 hours.
APRIL: A lot of things scare me you know when it comes to what
I'm gonna be like as a parent if I'm honest.
how is my child going to turn out? you know?
Will I being doing this right?
They are little things that I have already thought about.
NARRATOR: After 16 hours in labour April gives birth.
APRIL: This is Ellie Marie Paddon.
I feel amazing; just, words can't describe how happy
I am right now.
Really, truly amazing how gorgeous she is.
Do you know what, it still sort of hasn't really sunk in yet
that I'm a mum?
NARRATOR: Our sex drive pushes us to spread our genes as wide
as possible; it also plays a vital role in keeping us
together.
Raising a family can unite a couple for a lifetime,
but it may also cause things to change in the bedroom.
MAREN: Well, we met almost nineteen years ago.
It was at a very fun time in our lives,
and we did a lot of travelling and we did a lot of rock
climbing and just had a lot of fun before we had a lot of
responsibilities.
KEVIN: I remember when we first started dating,
we would get together on any day probably the first thing
we'd take care of was sex and then we'd do something else.
MAREN: Sex before we would go rock climbing,
sometimes at the climbing spot. KEVIN: Right?
It was definitely an everyday occurrence for sure, you know,
and a lot of the times twice a day!
NARRATOR: When couples orgasm, it's thought a hormone called
oxytocin is released, that's been linked to promoting
feelings of affection, contentment and attachment,
which help couples bond.
FEMALE: Sex is the most important part of a
relationship, if you don't have sexual chemistry you don't have
anything
MALE: Of course not, it's only, at that moment it's only you
and her; It's nobody else, so it can't get any closer than that.
MALE: Sex got a lot better.
We both didn't know what we were doing at first,
and then like we like practised everything with each other
and got real good so...
FEMALE: Yeah, so it's awesome.
MALE 2: I think the sex gets better as you continue to have
sex with that same person, so a one night stand is fun
but it's not as good as having a committed relationship.
MALE: I think sex has changed a little bit, its more intimate,
I think it's more deeply tied to how we're responding to each
other on a relationship level first.
FEMALE: Yeah, I would say our sex fluctuates in and out of
different periods and times because, you know,
life changes and when you've been together for so long
things, life fluctuates, what you gonna do?
MAREN: I'm even more in love with Kevin than when we got
married, and our relationship has just gotten deeper
and richer...
KEVIN: It evolves every day, you know?
Before I met Maren I think the longest relationship I'd had
was less than a year.
I couldn't imagine 19 years ago that this is where we'd be and
this is how I'd feel about her.
NARRATOR: But the stress of life can put the brakes on even
the most active of sex lives.
KEVIN: You know, since we've had kids we've given up a lot of
our freedom.
MAREN: So Kai, what was your favorite part about this weekend
KAI: A lot of trampolines.
KEVIN: Since we first met I started my own business,
which takes me away from home 80 hours of a week.
We've had some very low points in our relationship;
there's been talk of divorce at points.
MAREN: Neither of us, I think, even are really wanting
to have sex at nine o clock-nine-thirty at night,
because we're both just so tired.
We're both just thinking about sleeping and not sex.
NARRATOR: It's been shown that for every month a couple
are together a woman's sexual desire decreases by about 1%,
whereas men's sex drive remains largely the same.
The reason for a couple's decline in passion may not
lie in dropping levels of sex hormones,
but rather stress and simply finding the time to be sexy.
Maren and Kevin turn to a sex therapist for help.
CHRISTINE: Hi. MAREN: Hi.
CHRISTINE: Come on in.
You've been together for more than 20 years right?
KEVIN and MAREN: Nineteen.
CHRISTINE: Yeah nineteen, you know what makes each other tick.
KEVIN: Our daily sex clock is kind of off with each other,
whereas when we first started dating it was,
we were both 24-7, I think on that.
CHRISTINE: But that can be interpreted as a lack of
interest for a specific partner, rather than a lack of general
interest in sex.
KEVIN: I may not be feeling it 100% all the time below
the waist but it's always in my head.
But now it's like, you know, we both have small windows I think
where we... where our greatest desire is in.
Mine's usually early in the morning,
hers is in the afternoon so they don't always rhyme
with each other.
MAREN: When there've been dips in Kevin's sex drive,
it's been very troubling to me and that has made me feel, like,
maybe there-- you know, maybe he's not desiring me like
he used to?
I know that he probably has satisfied himself in other ways
in his office...
KEVIN: Just to get it done, I would probably just rather take
care of it myself. Which I do.
CHRISTINE: So part of your homework,
what we're gonna recreate when you go away is we're gonna
recreate a day when you had no children and when you had those
moments of wanting to have sex with each other.
If you are willing to put the effort into planning a sexual
experience you stand to have a much better and more
satisfying experience because all the planning is done
and when it finally comes to having sex you don't have
to think about that.
MAREN: I think that sounds great. I'm in. Pick me.
KEVIN: Alright! CHRISTINE: Alrighty.
Have a good time! MAREN: Thank you!
Bye, Bye...
NARRATOR: To rescue their sex life Maren and Kevin are going
indulge their favourite fantasies,
but will it be enough?
On the advice of a sex therapist,
Kevin and Maren hope a weekend away will help resurrect their
sexual desire for each other.
KEVIN: It's been a long time since we've, um,
had a night away together.
MAREN: We're very much looking forward to it,
just not leaving our room!
And there's a Jacuzzi tub so we could shower first and then have
a Jacuzzi and then I do remember her talking about him giving me
a massage, which I think would be fabulous.
KEVIN: Just looking forward to the evening; to get started.
So, yeah we're gonna have a nice little weekend here.
Do some of the things that Christine asked us to do for,
um, our homework assignment.
MAREN: I want...stripper shoes.
Got my Linda Evan's wig.
Got my new Christmas present.
I think men sexually are very visual, you know,
it's very pleasing to the eye I know for him and it's fun for me
because I'm usually in jeans and sweats.
It's nice to feel really sexy and beautiful for him,
he definitely seems to respond to that.
KEVIN: Beauty.
MAREN: And after a long day you want to physically connect
with your partner. Here's to some alone time.
Yes!
It was wonderful!
KEVIN: Yeah it was awesome.
We had more sex than we had in the last month I think in one
night, so yeah, it was good.
In the beginning, we could not stand to not be naked together
I think, you know!
like walking in the door and get naked and have sex
and slowly over time you know you get more responsibilities
and you have less time for sex.
You eventually have to start scheduling it really, you know?
MAREN: So I think it was kind of a gradual thing that there was
just less and less...
KEVIN: Our best bet is to plan more time by ourselves,
I think you know?
MAREN: It's that time factor, again.
KEVIN: Yeah
MAREN: ...of getting the hours at a time where we can just be
together.
NARRATOR: In the sex lab the volunteers have finished
the last test.
Initial results showed clear biological signs of arousal
between a number of the subjects,
especially between Katherine and Chris.
Data from the eye-tracking experiment also showed a high
level of visual attraction when they met face to face.
Dr Linda wants to see how the volunteers' conscious choice of
a potential sexual partner, matches their subconscious
bodily reactions.
DR LINDA: Guys, I wanna go around all of you and I want you
to answer just very simply, have you met anyone tonight that you
think has potential in terms of making a--making a connection?
MALE 1: No.
MALE 2: There are a couple of girls who have caught my eye,
maybe not in the long term but in the short term.
MALI'll think about it.bit early to tell but I dunno,
DR LINDA: So you might ask them out on a date?
MALE 3: I'm thinking about it...
MALE 4: I think umm maybe in the short term, you know,
to get to know them a little better.
At least one or two.
DR LINDA: Have there been any connections?
Can you see yourself seeing these guys again?
Let's, let's start over here
GIRL 1: Sure, but nobody I would take seriously.
GIRL 2: I think there are probably, definitely be two,
I think yeah.
One I think is more personality and one is personality
and the looks.
GIRL 3: One in particular, very much so;
physical attraction already, like that's something and I feel
like there's something that clicked from the beginning and,
um, and yeah maybe it's a bit, you know,
the whole fantasy of that, but there definitely is like
an initial really wanting to get to know one and there's a lot of
sparks that fly.
NARRATOR: With the experiment over,
the subjects could relax and let natural sexual chemistry
take over...
DR LINDA: Sex is vital.
Even later on the ability to maintain this sense of feeling
needed and feeling connected.
The physicality of sex is vital so this idea that it is just
there to ensure that we we procreate, I think isn't enough,
I think it's a much much deeper, much more integral part
of our humanity.